Posted Wednesday, October 16, 2013 by PukeMeister
Confession: I know more about Miley Cyrus than I do about the government shutdown. I am fully aware of how pathetic that sounds but I can’t help it. I don’t make enough money to care about the government and I have a soft spot in my heart for Hannah Montana. Maybe my generation would care more about politics if politicians wore skin colored latex panties and rode around on wrecking balls with ghetto French tip nail talons. It’s just a suggestion.
Everyone has an opinion on Miley and I’m no different. I love the bitch. I don’t have impressionable tweens that grew up watching Miley battle her split personality disorder on Disney and I’m thankful for that. If I had to sit my midriff baring 13-year-old daughter down and explain the concept of slut shaming and a woman’s right to explore her blossoming sexuality with the aid of teddy bears and twerking then yeah, I’d be pissed. But when I see other celebrities writing open letters to Miley like they’re going to help her see the light, I get mad.
When Sinead O’Connor wrote her first open letter to Miley urging her to stop being a prostitute I thought it was sweet, in a crazy-lady-on-the-park-bench-eating-fingernail-clippings sort of way. When Sinead sent a fifth letter I thought it was overkill. Enough is enough. Miley isn’t going to stop wearing Champ’s Sports oversized mesh jerseys and slapping black women on the ass because some washed up Irish potato scented singer with mental instability tells her to. No, Miley is just being Miley and she’s making a ton of money doing it. Miley’s slutty antics have padded her bank account with $120 million. Work bitch!
But perhaps the best thing to come from this entire Mileygate is the recent letter from singer-songwriter Sufjan Stevens. He doesn’t care about Miley’s tongue wagging, man humping, tiny bun headed shenanigans. What upsets him most is her poor grammar. If you haven’t read it yet, do yourself a favor and read it now. It made me realize just how ridiculous this entire Miley circus has been. It also made me realize I haven’t thought about using correct grammar since 2005.
Hopefully Mileypalooza will come to an end, and soon. I’m getting a little tired of reading about a 20-year-old girl’s pantless exploits. Maybe I’ll turn on CNN and find out what’s happening in the world or, at the very least congress. But first I’m just going to listen to “Wrecking Ball” one more time.
Tags: Miley Cyrus
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